Your Freshman Year

You were an eager beaver during your freshman year
Ready for the good times, wrapped up in fear
It was a time of change, it was a time to explore
It was a time to open every metaphorical door
A door of experience, a door of new romance
A door of truth during your first dance
You had to study but you wanted to play
During your freshman year, you lived day after day

Bridge 1

With goals in your heart and large lust in your soul
A night with someone you liked and you lost all control
You were slightly derailed by this new love you found
So much so you couldn’t focus when they were around

Chorus 1

Stars were in his eyes, you longed to touch
That guy, that crush you wanted so much
During your freshman year
And oh, you look back on it now
Now that you’ve got a girl of your own
And oh, the many mistakes you made
All the ones that made you feel so alone
The ones that show you how much you’ve grown
You see it in her when she doesn’t want to hear
What you went through during your freshman year
What you went through during your freshman year

Verse 2

You played football, baseball or ran in track
Thought your buddy was loyal to you behind your back
You caught him with that girl you pined for
It was there you had to slam that metaphorical door
That door called experience, that door of new romance
That door filled with truth during your first dance
You decided to study instead of going out to play
during your freshman year, you lived day after day

Bridge 2

With goals in your heart and spite in your soul
All because someone you liked lost their self-control
You were slightly derailed by this new boy she found
But then you would focus when you got off the ground

Chorus 2

Stars were in her eyes, you longed to touch
That girl, that crush you wanted so much
During your freshman year
And oh, you look back on it now
Now you’ve got a teen son of your own
And oh, you see the mistakes you made
All the ones that made you feel so alone
The ones showing you how much you’ve grown
You see it in him when he doesn’t want to hear
What you went through during your freshman year
What you went through during your freshman year

Back to Chorus 1 then end.

2017

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All In

Put this in your pipe and smoke it
I’m all in, I’m fascinated by you
We see eye to eye on most everything
Baby, you’re a dream come true

I’ve been here
I’ve been there
I’ve even stayed home
So I know
enough to know
My road to love won’t end up in Rome
You’re under my skin
I play to win
So sweetheart
I’m all in

Take this and put it in your soul
I’m all in, I’m here for the taking
Let me know now if I’m too lowbrow
and if this isn’t gravy we’re making

I’ve seen
what I’ve seen
I’ve done
what I’ve done
My only regret my sugar is we’ve just begun
Through thick and thin
It’ll take discipline
and no more livin’ in sin
You’re my boo
and I’m all in
how about you?

I’m all in, my sweet boo –
How about you?

2017

It May Have Been a Shithole (But It Was Home)

We lived on the other side of the tracks
Where the hookers spent all night on their backs
Where the hobos fell down through the cracks
Where I figured out what I was gonna do

Daddy, he worked out at the lumberyard
and Momma had a job as a prison guard
My siblings were mean – they called me a retard
and my ass was often purple and blue

It may have been a shithole but it was home
My parents, they did the best they could
When I felt I needed an adventure
The nearby junkyard I would roam
Oh, it may have been a shithole but it was home

I’d hang out with kids who were older than me
We were all like one big messed up family
My parents were too poor to own a TV
I’d get used books from the library book sale

We’d go to the Salvation Army for our clothes
Why we went through that, God only knows
When Daddy wasn’t at work, he’d compose
about the different things he went through in jail

And it may have been a shithole but it was home
My parents, they did the best they could
When I felt like I needed an adventure
The nearby junkyard, I would roam
Oh, it may have been a shithole but it was home

One fateful day my Daddy’s fortune was reversed
No longer did we all feel that we were cursed
The song we all thought was his worst
was picked up and recorded by a famous man

The royalties alone paid for a brand new place
The money we made put a smile on Momma’s face
Daddy taught us it’s not how fast you run the race
You just gotta stick to your guns and your plan

Well it may have been a shithole but it was home
and I don’t go back there as often as I should
I’m now on my own crazy adventure
and my doctor said I have Stockholm Syndrome
It may have been a shithole but it was home

Oh, it may have been a shithole but it was home.

2017

Redneck Stuff

Fishin’ poles, rabbit holes
Crushin’ cans, homemade stoles
Shitty beer, livin’ rough
Hillbilly life, redneck stuff

Smokin’ roadkill, Cabin on a hill
Huntin’ quail with my friend Bill
Deaf right ear, hooked on snuff
Hillbilly life, redneck stuff

It’s what I live for
It’s what I like
Nothin’ can compare
to muddin’ on a motorbike
Or in a Ford 4X4
jacked up real high
Can’t get enough
of this hillbilly life
and all my redneck stuff

Old street signs, boxes of wines
Dirty hands, party lines
Rockin’ chair, I’ve got scruff
Hillbilly life, redneck stuff

It’s what I live for
It’s what I like
Nothin’ can compare
to muddin’ on a motorbike
Or fried up squirrel
with sweet tater pie
Can’t get enough
of this hillbilly life
and all my redneck stuff

Can’t get enough
of this hillbilly life
and all my redneck stuff.

2017

I Hit the Jackpot With You

The world is a big casino
begging us to take a chance
So I took a little journey
on a search for true romance

And there you were, so amazing
so full of promise and life
When I was ready I pulled the lever
by asking you to be my wife

And you didn’t wait to answer
You said yes almost right away
And we kissed in the moonlight
You’ve proven you’re here to stay
I feel richer than a multi-billionaire
Every dream of mine has come true
I’m the luckiest man alive
My love, I hit the jackpot with you

You give your love and devotion to me
and our beautiful children too
You take care of us when we’re sick
You always know what to do

It’s your heart we’re wealthy from
Not the paper we both make
It’s like I am an actor
who’s been given my big break

All cause you didn’t wait to answer
You said yes right away
In the years since our engagement
You’ve proven you’re here to stay
We’re richer than multi-billionaires
Every dream of mine’s come true
I’m the luckiest man alive
My love, I hit the jackpot with you

My love, I hit the jackpot with you.

2017

All My Reckless Habits

Bacon’s good on everything
and how I love a good steak
I’ll eat a big ol’ catfish
that I caught on the lake

Smokin’ helps me unwind
after a really rough day
Not everyone likes my lifestyle
and that is A-OK

All my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me
All my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me
You live your life
and I’ll live mine
Cause I feel like
I’m on cloud nine
Oh, all my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me

I love my wife’s cookin’
and a well-blended drink
I watch my teams on TV
and I love to sit & think

Life is for truly livin’
the way we all want to
So I choose to enjoy
Lite beer & barbeque

Life is fleeting
Life is precious
and we don’t have much time
So it’s my belief
to not feel grief
about the fact, I can’t climb
Others can do what they want
They can starve themselves
and act like total jerks
Meanwhile, I’ll be smiling
a big ol’ smile
as I eat my
cheeseburger with the works

All my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me
All my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me
You live your life
and I’ll live mine
cause I feel like I’m
on cloud nine
Oh, all my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me.

Oh, all my reckless habits
are gonna be the death of me.

2017

Lyric Notes: Satire, of course. Totally inspired by Jimmy Buffett. The cheeseburger line is a reference to his classic song, “Cheeseburger in Paradise.” Here’s to you and your career, Jimmy! Hope to meet up with you one day! I think it somewhat is inspired by a second songwriter… Paul Thorn. One of my favorite styles of music involves biting satire. Enjoy!

Whiling Away

Snow flurries outside and we’re not out there
You’re in my arms now, saying it’s not fair
We had places to go and people to see
But today is to be shared between you and me

The chores are finished, the laundry is done
The tempting thing to do is call someone
This is what we are meant to do today
All is OK, as we’re whiling away

Whiling away the day
Making it last
Forgetting the future
And mistakes from our past
Let’s just enjoy it
Again, we will play
For now, let’s focus
On whiling away

Winter is here now, this will happen again
You say Dammitall to this and I say Amen
Yippee, Hallelujah, and Hooray
Because with you, I’ll be whiling away

Whiling away the day
Until beddy-bye
Sometimes we’ll be grounded
Sometimes we’ll fly
It’s a skill to master
And add to our resume
Such a gift we can treasure
Whiling away

Such a gift we can treasure
Whiling away.

2003, Revised 2017

Our Family Rules

Our family rules
Our family rules
Your family drools
Cause our family rules

We sing songs in the car
About drinking beer
And if you don’t like us
We best get outta here

We’re loud and obnoxious
We fight and do drugs
We’re loyal like our dogs
We’re like a big ol band of thugs

Our family rules
Our family rules
Your family drools
Cause our family rules

We go huntin’ and fishin’
We have the same tattoo
It’s of a small skull and crossbones
We aren’t well to do

We just go town to town
And raise all kinds of heck
Campin’ and stealin’
And grillin’ out on our deck

We don’t know why you don’t like us
So it’s best we don’t care
You do your thing and we’ll do ours
We’ll soon be out of your hair

Our family rules
Our family rules
Your family drools
Cause our family rules

2016

Where Her Legs Begin

There’s a great big world right next to me
And I know you know what I’m talkin’ about
She cleans it every morning of the week
So it doesn’t smell like Rainbow Trout

And she loves it when I give it attention
She gets so happy and her smile’s so wide
It’s a special kind of feeling
Whenever I touch her way deep inside

Where her legs begin, It tastes like peaches
Where her legs begin, It’s a wonderful place
Where her legs begin, I found life’s meaning
Where her legs begin, It’s a quiet and safe space

I know for some there’s a certain stigma
They find theirs dirty and unclean
And there are all kinds of nicknames for it
Some of them are ok but most are mean

But my girl – Hers is quite unique
It’s the best I think I’ll ever see
I’ll describe it again best I can
So you hopefully will believe me

Where her legs begin, It’s better than Grandma’s Apple Pie
Where her legs begin, It tastes better than ice cream
Where her legs begin, Is where I found my special purpose
Where her legs begin is right out of my boyhood dream

Where her legs begin, It tastes like peaches
Where her legs begin, It’s a toasty fireplace
Where her legs begin, I found life’s meaning
Where her legs begin, It’s a quiet and safe space

Where her legs begin, is a toasty fireplace.

2017