All Kidding Aside (The Mama’s Boy Song)

I’ve always been a jokester
The class clown, The life-coaster
The kid in the back lookin’ out the window

And when I got to High School
I was the scrawny geek in the pool
who was awkward, teased ‘n called a weirdo

The girls liked me but didn’t see me that way
I was a kind of friend they’d talk to all day
I was a mama’s boy who tried so hard to be a man
Lookin’ back I did too much crazy stuff
Once I started drinkin’ I couldn’t get enough
and even tried smokin’ cause it made me look tough
I got addicted to being someone I didn’t wanna be
And all kidding aside, that’s when she met me

She saw my wardrobe – my suits and ties
And much to my chagrin and my surprise
She stuck around, I must have done something right

She doesn’t laugh at all my silly jokes ‘n pranks
But when I do stuff around the house she says thanks
and our safe haven is our master bedroom at night

I don’t wonder why them girls didn’t see me that way
As I listen to what the love of my life wants to say
Guess being a mama’s boy is what she wanted in a man
But I look back on doing all that crazy stuff
All that drinkin’, smokin’, and actin’ tough
All that pretendin’ to be who I wasn’t supposed to be
All I can say is I feel blessed and oh, so free
All kidding aside, this mama’s boy is finally happy.

All kidding aside, this mama’s boy is finally happy.

2017 – New Year’s Eve

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You Should Be With Me (Steak ‘n Shake Song)

Boy:
Well, I’m sittin’ here in Steak n Shake
Pickin’ on a four-dollar meal
And I’m not sure if you’ll ever
Feel the way I feel

My pockets are all empty
But my stomach’s full for now
And I’m dreamin’ of you, girl
I gotta figure out how

To make some money
So you will date me
I feel like such a fool
It’s so upsetting
That I’m letting
My depression rule
I know I can make it happen
I know you’ll one day, see
That I was made for you
And you should be with me.
You should be with me

Girl:
I see you there in Steak n’ Shake
And I’m wondering who’s with you
Who gets to hold your hand
Maybe it’s time you knew

That you’re the boy of my dreams
You’re the one who makes me laugh
Every time I see you anywhere
I wanna take your photograph

We could take selfies
We could go skating
We could study after school
It’s so unnerving
I’m here observing
Why do you tolerate her ridicule?
I know I’d be so better than her
She’s treating you like a nobody
Baby I was meant to be with you

And you should be with me
You should be with me

2017

If I Was Completely Up to You

Would my bank account be overflowing?
Would I have muscles rather than fat?
Would I be a gourmet chef or therapist?
Would I be juggling more than one hat?

Would I have a job I’ve had for years?
Would I shop at Saks Fifth Avenue?
What would I be like
If I was completely up to you?

Would my eyes and hair be dark brown?
Would I have a dimpled chin?
Would I be more inclined for business?
Would I have more polite kin?

Would my mind be more logical?
Would everything I wear be brand new?
What would quickly change
If I was completely up to you?

I don’t have lots of money
I don’t look like a million bucks
And I’m not much into hunting
Pheasant, doves or ducks
I’m not much, I admit it
But your daughter loves me nonetheless
Why she does, well I don’t know
That’s anybody’s guess

Would you lecture me every day?
Would you have me followed constantly?
Would you tell her it would be best
If she’d just set me free?

Would you pack my stuff and kick me out
Of the love I thought was true?
Tell me, what you would do
If I was completely up to you?

Would I still be her husband
If it was completely up to you?

2005

On The Cover of People Magazine

Well, Shel Silverstein wrote a song for Dr. Hook
about wanting to be on the cover of Rolling Stone
And while it would be an honor to be on it,
There’s another magazine that’s very well known

It’s been quite popular for years and years
It’s visible while in the Supermarket checkout line
So if they ever chose me as someone fascinating
I’d be beaming with a smile and on cloud nine

Oh, to be on the cover of People Magazine
It would feel so amazing to be finally heard
They’d get to the heart of my compelling story
Might feel better than if I sang at the Bluebird
Maybe my Mama would buy a copy for herself
then she’d finally be so proud of me
On the cover of People Magazine
is somewhere I deeply want to be

I’d talk to them about my interesting childhood
and the small college town in which I was raised
I’d want them to interview former teachers of mine
So they could reminisce about those school days

I’d tell them about my guitar playing Grandfather
and how he inspired me so much to do my own thing
And most of all I’d share about the love of my life
who I proposed to with my Grandmother’s diamond ring

Oh, but time is short and I don’t know
how much longer I have here on Earth
All I can hope for is that this dream comes true-
This dream I’ve had in me since my birth

Oh, to be on the cover of People Magazine
It would feel so amazing to be finally heard
They’d get to the heart of my compelling story
and to some, it may even seem a little absurd
Maybe my Mama would buy a copy for herself
and she’d finally be so proud of me
On the cover of People Magazine
is somewhere I hope one day I will be

On the cover of People Magazine
is somewhere I hope one day I will be.

2017

Normal Christmas

Do you remember when Christmas was Christmas
with your brothers, sisters, Mom and Dad?
When you exchanged good wishes and presents
and the best family times ever were had?

When nobody had special dietary needs
and everybody wanted to be there?
When there wasn’t a single argument?
When we lived our lives without a care?

Then everybody got a little older
and moved away from their hometowns
You’ve gotta convince them to come home again
When they come in through the front door
they’re wearing frowns

Oh, whatever happened to having a normal Christmas
when everybody liked the fattening foods?
When everyone enjoyed the presents they got
and nobody was in a bad mood
No one at the gathering was an Athiest
and family members returned year after year
Whatever happened to having a normal Christmas
back when family and friends were sincere?

Because of that damned Global Warming
there’s hardly any sticking snow
Due to higher costs and lower wages
to the ski slopes, we cannot go

Tradition has been thrown out the window
Seems like nobody’s willing to compromise
And even if we get the clothes we want
we check the tags and they’re the wrong size

Oh, whatever happened to having a normal Christmas
when everyone couldn’t wait to gather again?
It was such an amazing time we had
Adults and children enjoyed it all back then
If there’s anyone who could give the gift
of better memories, we’ll cherish year after year
I’d ask for a calm and normal Christmas
that would fill everyone’s hearts with cheer

Oh, I’d ask for a calm and normal Christmas
that would fill everyone’s hearts with cheer.

Christmas, 2017.

Hillbillies Have All The Fun

They’re happier than dead pigs in sunshine
with their trucks and their ice cold beer
They love muddin’, huntin’ ‘n ‘fishin’
and sippin’ on some Kentucky clear

They love workin’ with heavy equipment
They’d do it if they never got paid
Farmers daughters fall fast for ’em
though they’re greasy like pomade

Hillbillies have all the fun
No matter what time of day
They’re outta bed before sunup
and at night they get to play
They love their Outlaw Music
and they know how to get-r-dun
Ah, them city boys may have the money
but them hillbillies have all the fun

Their jobs are more important
than most of y’all might think
They’re puttin’ food in the markets
They’re the plumbers fixin’ your sink

They’re haulin’ big loads all over
They’re in the back washin’ plates
They’re the southern hard workers
of these great United States

They’re hobos and the winos
and the General Store tramps
They aren’t on US Postal stamps
In the mountains, they set up camps

Hillbillies have all the fun
No matter where they breathe ‘n live
They could care less if they’re broke as hell
They still give, give, & give
They give to the church on Sundays
They’ll befriend just about everyone
Ah, the city folks may have fancy parties
but a Hillbilly’s shindig can’t be outdone

The city folks may have the money
but them Hillbillies have all the fun!

2017

Between Jobs Again

Well, I was working at the local factory
The grease and oil seeped into my skin
I had been there for about fifteen years
When I came home I’d have a tonic & gin

Now I’m at the age where I can’t retire
and corporate shut our plant down
It was the last of the big businesses here
The news devastated and broke this town

Every other man and woman I know
is between jobs again today
And we’re not sure what we’ll do
We don’t know any other life or way
All our children are extremely hungry
Of hearty food, we’re in short supply
Being between jobs again
is worse than eating humble pie

My son’s friend’s father hung himself
He was ashamed he couldn’t provide
for his family of six out in the country
He couldn’t see any solution but suicide

Another close friend of mine here
who I’ve known since the fourth grade
Labored in that warehouse for years
He thought he had it made in the shade

Even though he had a high paying job
He was let go like all of the rest
One night the cops caught him stealing
Now he’s in jail & his wife is stressed

Every other man and woman I know
is between jobs again today
And we’re not sure what we’ll do
We don’t know any other life or way
The families here are extremely hungry
It’s like the city is closing too
We’re between jobs again
with no hope for interviews

We’re between jobs again
and we’ve all got the blues

2017

I Hope I Don’t Fuck This Up With You

I used to hang with a salty crew
down at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk
We’d start fights with the valleys
and I’d always think with my cock

I’d act like such an asshole
Too proud of myself to apologize
But then we met at the Catalyst
And I got hooked on your eyes

I’ve made mistakes with my lovers
I’d be with ’em then leave ’em alone
But now I don’t want to see you blue
Hope I don’t fuck this up with you
You bring out the good side of me
The man I always wanted to be
I’m watchin’ what I say and do
I hope I don’t fuck this up with you
I hope I don’t fuck this up with you

If you talked to my ex-partners
They’d say get out right now
I’ll stay with you, then I’ll be gone
But not ’til taking what you allow

Well, I went through that bitter phase
They all won’t have nice things to say
But we won’t ever move forward
If you never notice the man I am today

I’ve made mistakes in past relationships
I’d be with ’em then leave ’em alone
But now I don’t wanna see you blue
Hope I don’t fuck this up with you
You bring out the best side of me
The man I’ve always wanted to be
I’m watchin’ what I say and do
I hope I don’t fuck this up with you
I hope I don’t fuck this up with you

I’ll go into counseling, I’ll take any medication
So I won’t be just a fling you had on your vacation

I’ve made many mistakes I’ve learned from
In my heart, I’m almost certain so will we
In your soul, I hope you see my intentions
We can disagree and still be free
You bring out the best side of me
The man I’ve always wanted to be
You know what I’ve been feeling is true
I hope I don’t fuck this up with you
I hope I don’t fuck this up with you.

2017

Being Married to Her

Being married to her is an adventure
She takes me to places I haven’t been
She’s kinda like my own Becky Thatcher
and I’m of course her Huckleberry Finn

It may not all be pink champagne and red roses
Our memories are of death and graves of friends
and we’ve driven through some difficult storms
Had some quarrels but we quickly made amends

Chorus
I’ve thought about them while being married to her
The roads we’ll roam until where we’ll end up to be
But the times I don’t question why we’re together
Are the moments when she smiles and looks at me

Being married to her is a long journey
She and I have lost the map along the way
So we’re winging it with our hearts and intuition
and we’re taking steps slowly day by day

We’re enjoying the view and each other’s company
Showing our kids places they’ve never seen
And encouraging them to try out different things
Hoping they will keep their noses clean

Chorus 2
I’ve sometimes wondered if they will remember
All the little things we’ve done to build their brains
The times I don’t question if we’ve taught them right
Are when they’re laughing during their growing pains

Break, then Back to Chorus 2 and then;

Last Chorus
And I’ve sometimes wondered while being married to her
If I’ll be missed by our children and my loving spouse
Then I remember they’ll always have their memories
we made together in our various cars and humble house

2017