#FAKEBLUES

My girlfriend – she walked out that door
and never looked back again
I’ve been itchin’ to write some songs
but I can’t seem to find a pen

Got a job last year I can’t stand
but it’s the best one I’ve ever had
My redemption is things happen to me
but none of it is half that bad

I got the #FAKEBLUES
I got the #FAKEBLUES
It’s all pretend
I’ve been on the mend
‘Cause I bought new shoes
May not know where I’m goin’
but I know I just won’t lose
Cause I’m makin’ a-livin’
Singin’ these #FAKEBLUES

My pickup truck’s got a flat tire
Mama never calls me right back
Daddy didn’t teach me a damn thing
and there’s so much stuff I lack

My children are kinda crazy
My day-job boss hates my guts
and Trump on @Twitter yesterday
called me a loser and a putz

I got the #FAKENEWS
I got the #FAKENEWS
I really don’t give a crap
if I lost my baseball cap
or if I have to pay my dues
My problems, they are minimal
since I stopped drinkin’ that booze
and started learnin’ to play guitar
so I could sing this real #FAKEBLUES

Real #FAKEBLUES
Real #FAKEBLUES
It’s somethin’ I choose
Singin’ these real #FAKEBLUES

Real #FAKEBLUES
Real #FAKEBLUES
I’m one with my muse
as I’m singin’ these #FAKEBLUES

January 19, 2018

Lyrics Notes: I was really inspired to write something because my wife and I saw Paul Thorn for the first time last night. This is kind of my second shot at writing something that I think he would enjoy or for that matter, someone else like Todd Snider. KPIG (Freedom, CA) is one of those stations that kind of is burned into my brain and this goes right along with what I could see KPIG playing. Enjoy

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The Kind of Love That’ll Never Leave

She was driving to her job in her Chevy SUV
The one her and her husband bought
Last October their old Ford broke down
All she knew was it cost them a lot

And as she pulled into the parking garage
where she was protected from the rain
She started reviewing her memories
of the old trauma that caused her pain

Her eyes filled up with tears
as she remembered the years
when she was a teen
filled with hope yet naive
She dreamed of meeting a man
like John from Duran Duran
He’d give her the kind of love
that would never leave, oh…
He’d give her the kind of love
that would never leave

She wiped her cheeks and cocoa eyes
Gathered herself and went inside
She had a busy schedule planned
Had no time to be preoccupied

She scanned through her work email
There was one sent from her best friend
Said her husband abandoned her
and wanted to go out that weekend

Her eyes filled up with tears
as she thought about the years
When they were all in school
And she met a guy named Steve
He was a sensitive artist type
who looked like Michael Stipe
She gave him the kind of love
that would never leave, oh…
She gave him the kind of love
that would never leave

But he didn’t give back to her
He took and then went on his way
Moved on in the middle of a night
He sold things she gave him on eBay

She would cry herself to sleep and
think about things they liked to do
Then she mustered up the courage
to go out the night she met you

I had never seen her so happy before
She was excited about what you had
You encouraged her inner strength
and reminded her so much of her Dad
As we sit here in her favorite diner
I think about the memories we made
Especially from last Christmas Eve
I know you’d agree, she left us with
The kind of love that’ll never leave

Oh, that freezing night she left us with
the kind of love that’ll never leave.

January 12, 2018

Real McCoy

As I looked around your place
and saw the smile on your face
I knew you’re one of a kind
You completely blew my mind

My intuition about me and you
Told me that our love was true
It said you were the one
and we’d have more than fun

It’d be a love I had been dreaming of
Since I was a little boy
When I looked up to my parents
and I’d pray I’d have that kind of joy
Now you and I are both students
Here in the heart of Central Illinois
As sure as cowboys love shootin’
I know we’re the Real McCoy

Real McCoy
Real McCoy
We’re true love
We’re the Real McCoy

I deeply care about your parents
They treat me as one of the family
Mom and Dad are impressed with you
And I love your gentle sincerity

Our dates have been so wonderful
We complement each other so well
Like a well-mannered gentleman
and a sweet & sassy Southern Belle

It’s the love I’ve been waiting for
Since I was a little boy
When I looked up to my parents
And I’d pray I had that kind of joy
Now you and I are students
Here in the heart of Central Illinois
As sure as farmers love farming
I know we’re the Real McCoy

As sure as farmers love farming
As sure as cowboys love shootin’
As sure as fishers love fishing
And Minnesotan say “Darn Tootin!”
I know we’re the Real McCoy

Real McCoy
Real McCoy
We’re true love
We’re the Real McCoy.

January 11, 2018

Annie & Riley

He was sitting under a tree
with a journal on his knee
and writing another line
Up walked Annie Jean
with hair so fine and clean
to talk with him under that Georgia pine

She said, “Hi, I’m Annie Jean
You know my friend Kathleen
We all are in the same English class”
He said, “Hi, I’m Riley”
then he looked down shyly
as he pulled out a couple blades of grass

He was awkward around the young ladies
She asked him if he had plans for Sadie’s
He looked at her and asked “What’s that?”
“It’s a dance, silly” she responded
On his “OK, I’ll go with you,” they bonded
Then walked up his closest friend Matt

Riley gave Annie the number to his cell
They exchanged emails as well
She said she’d call him later on that night
As she got up and said her goodbye
Matt asked Riley if he was high
To Matt, it didn’t see quite right

Annie & Riley went to Sadie’s and Prom
Their relationship was very calm
but it changed as some eventually do
Annie was driving late that summer eve
The other car, it didn’t weave
And Annie’s life was through

Riley graduated the following year
and couldn’t choose school or a career
So he ended up working on a farm
At night he’d go to a cafe’
and he’d stay late writing away
He just didn’t want to do anyone harm

Riley still goes back to that Georgia pine
every year with a nice bottle of wine
and thinks about what could have been
He ponders on the plans they made
that afternoon, in the shade
and the fountain’s reflection shining on her skin.

2009

They Might Be Townies

When we’re at Starbucks
Talking about our lives
We’re surrounded by
Husbands and wives

Of people we work with or know
That’s not what concerns me the most
The trouble is, they might be townies
and they’re standing too close

They could be listening to us
And telling their friends & families
What we say in there every day
could get burned into their memories
They could find out all our secrets
Use them against us all over town
They might be townies
who might be writing all of it down

When we’re at Kroger
standing at the checkout line
Don’t tell your stories
Just nod and say you’re fine

They could be collecting info
Not only that, they could be wired
Because they might be townies
and they never will be fired

For recording conversations with non-locals
This could be a Stepford Wives kind of city
Where they want everyone to be the same
You’re out if you’re not athletic or pretty

See,
They could be listening to us
And telling their friends & families
What we say in there every day
could get burned into their memories
They could find out all our secrets
Use them against us all over town
They might be townies
who might be writing all of it down

They might be townies
who might be writing all of it down.

January 3, 2018

With apologies to John Flansburgh and John Linnell of They Might Be Giants. Still, I hope you enjoy it and it would be an honor if you wrote the music.

Amazing True Love, Please

After sampling your menu of life, waitress
And trying to figure out what I really want
Let me order that super exclusive dish you serve
at this fantastic and fine restaurant

I’d like to start out with some orange juice
I know it does wonders for how I feel
And I’ll also have a cup of coffee with,
’cause it always kicks me in gear during a meal

Now I’d like it with pepper
because it makes me sneeze
I’ll have a nice big helping
of your amazing true love, please

I’ve tried much of what I could order here
Your one night stand is pretty darn good
And I’ve loved your voyeurism
since our days of long ago childhood

My opinion of your distant admiration
is that it satisfies me for a while
And the side of idolization
sometimes makes me smile

Don’t give me the excuse you’ve run out
’cause I see others having a similar thing
And please don’t say I’m not worth it
Of your atmosphere and great service I sing

Don’t make me sit here and beg
I’m hoping I don’t have to get on my knees
To have you write this down as my order
then take me in your loving arms
for your amazing true love, please

I’d love your amazing, blazing, true love, please!

2003 – Revised, 2017

Lyrics Notes: Written at Mel’s Diner in West Hollywood, CA.

Camping with Gramps

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We were born in the city
Didn’t know a Rainbow Trout from a Bass
and we grew up going
to different schools and attending mass

But our parents agreed
to let us spend time in LaPorte
We weren’t at a sleepaway
or some high-class fancy resort

We were with my Dad’s Mom & Dad
They lived in an A-frame cabin alone
Far from the crowds and traffic
They had an old radio and rotary phone

But it wasn’t all that we looked forward to
It was all the adventures we loved to do

While camping with Gramps
We got to learn how to fish in the streams
He’d encourage us to dream big dreams
of catchin’ big ones to gut and cook
We were livin’ life not readin’ a book
While camping with Gramps
We got to know him and his worldview
He taught us everything he knew
He showed us nature and paintings
He told us to value people not just things
Gram taught us Cribbage
and I read her books & liked all her stamps
But what I loved most of all was camping with Gramps

And my older brothers
they outgrew going so I went with cousin Dave
Gramps would tell us
to go out by ourselves on walks and be brave

We’d drink straight from the cold creek
on those scorchin’ summer days
We’d chase butterflies
and appreciate the sneaky bears & bluejays

And we played tennis on a court we helped make
But we always ended up goin’ out towards the lake

While camping with Gramps
We got to learn how to fish in the streams
He’d encourage us to dream big dreams
of catchin’ big ones to gut and cook
We were livin’ life not readin’ a book
While camping with Gramps
We got to know him and his worldview
He taught us everything he knew
He showed us nature instead of paintings
He told us to value people not just things
Sure Gram made us dinner
and I read her books & liked all her stamps
But what I loved most of all was camping with Gramps

What I loved most of all was camping with Gramps.

January 2, 2018