Not So Wise

She’s as hot as biscuits on Sunday mornin’
but she can be colder than a witches tit
And when I put my right hand in her left one
It feels like a worn-in leather baseball mitt

And when I look into those turquoise eyes
There’s a whole world in there to explore
Just when I think I’ve got her figured out
She does somethin’ she’s never done before

Chorus:
Her heart isn’t an open book
I’ve had to turn every single page
She keeps her delicate issues
tucked away in a rusty cage
She threw the key to it into the ocean
that’s inside every tear she cries
And just when I think I really know her
I realize I’m not so wise

She can be as stubborn as a donkey on a trail
or as easygoing as a surfer girl on a beach
And when her soft wet lips are touchin’ mine
Everything I’ll ever need’s in my reach

And when she whispers the sweet words
I’ve been waiting all of my life to hear
What I’ve been quietly feelin’ in my soul
becomes so obvious, so crystal clear

Chorus:
Yet her heart isn’t an open book
I’ve had to turn every single page
She keeps a lot hidden inside
tucked away in a rusty cage
She threw the key to it into the ocean
that’s inside every tear she cries
And just when I think I really know her
I realize I’m not so wise

And just when I think I really know her
I realize I’m not so wise

November 4, 2018

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The Regular

Well, I’m a regular at the Lucca Grill
Where I order the same thing every week
A Ham and Pinaeapple Calzone & a Coke
And they listen to me even when I’m bleak

I don’t have many friends around anymore
My ex-wife took the kids away from me
So I go there to check in & shoot the breeze
And they always test my long term memory

What was it like in the old days here old man?
They ask me and I always answer honestly
It was not like it is now – it was much better
It’s where I wish I was stuck for eternity
The people were much friendlier and open
It was so much fun, everyone had so much class
We all respected the older Gentlemen and Ladies
And we’d go have breakfast after Sunday Mass

And I see the happiness in their smoky eyes
As they listen to me with interest and intent
Before you know it, I’m there until supper time
And I wonder where all the time went

And I go home to feed my beagle Theodore
I sit down and ponder all the things I said
After my supper from a cardboard box,
I put on my PJ’s, then slowly climb into bed

And I think about those Spring weekends
We’d spend up in Chicago at the nightclubs
We’d dance the Lindy and East Coast Swing
How I deeply miss that ol’ pal of mine Buzz
We’d stay up and talk about random things
Maybe swap a few lies about this and that
Back when ladies wore fancy dresses daily
And I’d be dressed to the nines with a hat

So whenever you see me at the Lucca Grill
Come on over to my table, we’ll have a drink
I’d love to know more about you all
How you’re doing and what you feel & think

Maybe I could be of use to you as I listen
To your stories & what’s going on with you
I’m pretty good at figuring out solutions
And there’s not much else now I can do

What was it like in the old days here old man?
You’ll ask me and I’ll always answer honestly
It was not like it is now – it was much better
It’s where I wish I was stuck for eternity
The people were much friendlier and open
It was so much fun, everyone had so much class
We all respected the older Gentlemen and Ladies
And we’d go have breakfast after Sunday Mass

We all respected each other’s hopes and dreams
And we’d go have breakfast after Sunday Mass

October 30, 2018

BloNo Blues

I’m two hours from Chicago, Illinois
Trying to turn into a man from a boy
At a school both my parents went to
How I wish they instinctively knew

Coming here was their decision, not mine
In these Twin Cities I’ll never be fine

Got the BloNo Blues
Got the BloNo Blues
I can’t shake these
Hard to handle
BloNo Blues

I’m failing all my college classes
I lost my expensive sunglasses
And my job, it sure does suck
So does this rusted beater truck

And everybody thinks I’ve got money
I’m on meds to stay sane and funny

Yet I’ve got the BloNo Blues
I’ve got the BloNo Blues
I can’t escape
These devastating
BloNo Blues

Bridge:
Nobody wants to get to know the real me
I’d rather be livin’ back home with my family
I could work for Dad to help lighten his load
It’s like I’ve been guided to the wrong road

I’ve got the BloNo Blues
I’ve got the BloNo Blues
And oh, I hate
This is my fate
I didn’t choose
I’m so afraid I’ll never lose

These BloNo Blues
These BloNo Blues
These BloNo Blues
These BloNo Blues

July 2, 2018

#FAKEBLUES

My girlfriend – she walked out that door
and never looked back again
I’ve been itchin’ to write some songs
but I can’t seem to find a pen

Got a job last year I can’t stand
but it’s the best one I’ve ever had
My redemption is things happen to me
but none of it is half that bad

I got the #FAKEBLUES
I got the #FAKEBLUES
It’s all pretend
I’ve been on the mend
‘Cause I bought new shoes
May not know where I’m goin’
but I know I just won’t lose
Cause I’m makin’ a-livin’
Singin’ these #FAKEBLUES

My pickup truck’s got a flat tire
Mama never calls me right back
Daddy didn’t teach me a damn thing
and there’s so much stuff I lack

My children are kinda crazy
My day-job boss hates my guts
and Trump on @Twitter yesterday
called me a loser and a putz

I got the #FAKENEWS
I got the #FAKENEWS
I really don’t give a crap
if I lost my baseball cap
or if I have to pay my dues
My problems, they are minimal
since I stopped drinkin’ that booze
and started learnin’ to play guitar
so I could sing this real #FAKEBLUES

Real #FAKEBLUES
Real #FAKEBLUES
It’s somethin’ I choose
Singin’ these real #FAKEBLUES

Real #FAKEBLUES
Real #FAKEBLUES
I’m one with my muse
as I’m singin’ these #FAKEBLUES

January 19, 2018

Lyrics Notes: I was really inspired to write something because my wife and I saw Paul Thorn for the first time last night. This is kind of my second shot at writing something that I think he would enjoy or for that matter, someone else like Todd Snider. KPIG (Freedom, CA) is one of those stations that kind of is burned into my brain and this goes right along with what I could see KPIG playing. Enjoy