Halloween in Haddonfield

Parents go out and leave their kids at home
With hot looking babysitters who mess around
Their boyfriends arrive when the kids are asleep
And they try not to make any big sounds

Maybe they decided to watch a scary movie
Maybe they’re drinkin’ beer n gettin” high
They’re likely dry humpin’ in the family room
They don’t know about the mad bad guy

Who’s got the white Captain Kirk mask on
And a butcher knife in his bloody hand
He’s been stalking them the past few days
It’s like a horrified wonderland
You already know why the killer’s there
His twisted motive has been revealed
You’re in suspense ’cause you’re watchin’
People gettin’ killed on
Halloween in Haddonfield

Yeah they’re all gonna die
On Halloween in Haddonfield.

October 10, 2018

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What Have You Done With Her?

V1
Believe it or not, I’m not angry at you
for whatever it is you two have done
She doesn’t know I’m meeting you here
She thinks I’ve come to the city for fun
I’m sure you’re wonderin’ how I know
The way I found out about your affair
There was a day a couple months ago
when I couldn’t find her anywhere

V2
I checked our credit card documents
There was a charge I didn’t recognize
It was at a place I’ve never been
and I pieced together all her lies
after confirming with a friend of hers
She was with you when she paid that bill
Then a friend said they saw you with her
at the City Club on Bunker Hill

Chorus
What have you done with her?
That’s all I really want to know
Did you take her on a romantic trip
up to Napa or down to Mexico?
I don’t recognize her anymore
She’s different from how she used to be
Please tell me what have you done with her
so she’s acting much happier with me

V3
She’s consistently getting things handled
She doesn’t put them off for another day
and she writes me post-it love notes
She now tells me what she needs to say
She’s a better spouse and parent to our kids
She even was promoted to a better job at work
Whatever it is you’ve done with her
makes me consider you a friend, not a jerk

Bridge
I just need for you to explain
Then we can go our separate ways
Do you think she’s changed forever
or is she just going through a phase?
Is this uncomfortable for you that I’m askin’
about what you did that changed her so much?
‘Cause whatever you have, I will need now
It seems as if I’ve lost my touch

Chorus
So, what have you done with her?
That’s all I really want to know
Did you take her on a romantic trip
up to Napa or down to Mexico?
I don’t recognize her anymore
She’s different from how she used to be
Please tell me what have you done with her
so she’s acting much happier with me

Please tell me what have you done with her
so she’s acting much happier with me

March 22, 2018

Cute Klutzy Girl

There she is
Walkin’ down the hall
She’s kinda shy
Also skinny & tall
She doesn’t know
I’ve liked her from afar
She’s the funniest girl I’ve ever known
And she writes songs on her guitar

Cute klutzy girl
She’s so awkward like me
I wonder if she walks home alone
And if she’s boyfriend-free
Cute klutzy girl
I’ve been plannin’ what I’ll do
One day I’ll text her iPhone
And see if she likes me too
Cute klutzy girl
Oooooooooooo
Cute klutzy girl
Oooooooooooo
Cute klutzy girl
Oooooooooooo
One day I’ll text her iPhone
And see if she likes me too

We’re just kids
In the Seventh Grade
I don’t know why
I love her long braid
And her laugh
The way she trips all the time
I’ll carry all her books for her
Just so she would be mine

She likes to read and so do I
She has a cool bike and her socks are knee high
And those eyes, they’re brighter than the sun
When she replies, I hope she says I’m the one

Cute klutzy girl
She’s so awkward like me
I wonder if she walks home alone
And if she’s boyfriend-free
Cute klutzy girl
I’ve been plannin’ what I’ll do
One day I’ll text her iPhone
And see if she likes me too
Cute klutzy girl
Oooooooooooo
Cute klutzy girl
Oooooooooooo
Cute klutzy girl
Oooooooooooo
One day I’ll text her iPhone
And see if she likes me too

2017

Lyric Inspiration: In the movie called “They Came Together” with Amy Poehler & Paul Rudd, they say that Amy’s character is called a “Cute, Klutzy Girl,” and I loved that. I knew girls like that, and they are everywhere. So where better to set this than the year my daughter Grace is in school?  I think it’s about 7th Grade and this boy has a crush- which, hmmmmm I went through all the time. It was surprisingly easy to write. A fun self-assignment. Disney, it’s your move. 🙂

The Crystal Lake Blues

(Inspired by the Friday the 13th Movie and Series)

I’ve never been a camp counselor before
so I thought I’d give it my best shot
I heard it’s pretty nice up in these woods
and girls I’d work with would be hot
So I signed up and soon enough
they hired me right on the spot
We drove up together before camp began
We shoulda given the whole thing some thought

Cause we found out when we got here about Jason
He drowned and now he’s killing everyone in sight
And it doesn’t matter what time it is, he will strike
Whether it’s morning, afternoon, or night

We’ve got the Crystal Lake Blues
We’ve got the Crystal Lake Blues
We’ll be all over the news
We shoulda brought more booze
to drown these Crystal Lake Blues

Barry got knifed in the stomach
Marcie got axed in the face
Ned, Jack & Claudette’s blood
is all over this totally creepy place

Bill’s throat got slit with a hunting knife
and arrows pinned him to the door
But the craziest part about this whole thing
is it wasn’t Jason’s head found on the floor

We’ve got the Crystal Lake Blues
There’s nothing we can do
Jason’s blown a major fuse
and our lives we’ll have to lose
We should have gone on a cruise
So we wouldn’t have these Crystal Lake Blues

These Crystal Lake Blues
These Crystal Lake Blues
We’re all totally screwed
Jason’s not a nice dude
We’re not even safe on canoes
We haven’t been able to snooze
Cause we’re haunted by
These Crystal Lake Blues

2017

One Day

(Inspired by “One Day” – the book by David Nicholls and 2011 film directed by Lone Scherfig)

“She made you decent and you made her so happy,” he told me one day
The anniversary of when Emma and I met in London a few years ago
I thought about when we were together, how we fought so many times
How could we even think about what would happen?  How could we know?
We were both students at University of Edinburgh and graduated in 1988
On St. Swithin’s Day, we walked together up a deep green grassy hill
And we vowed back then we would be the best of friends
Thinking what we said was a dream that we’d fulfill

We made it a point that we’d reunite that same holiday every year
I’m not sure why we chose July 15th and neither did she
All I know is what we experienced as we grew together and apart
was our delightful yet twisted and tangled history
She met others and married the guy who I mentioned first
and I married my long-time girlfriend Sylvie
In between those happy memories are when we went our own way
She just never seemed to believe in me

For I was not the kind of guy she had been looking for
I wasn’t the one she wanted for all time
All the moments we spent together she was so confused
It was like we had the right words but never could rhyme
One night she and I met up at a wedding of our friends
and we talked for hours on the hotel roof
Then it seemed like the connection we had was something unique
If our friendship was glass, then it would be shatterproof

After we both got divorced from our partners, it was obvious
We were destined to give us the old University try
So we were married up on that same hill we walked up
On July 15th, she married this lucky and grateful guy
We couldn’t have any children, but that was fine with us
We had our place, we had our truest love that made us laugh
Until that fateful afternoon as she rode her bike she was hit
On my register at our cafe, there is a photograph

Her ex-husband stopped in the other day and we had a little chat
“She made you decent and you made her so happy,” he said
And I instantly replied I’d be open to talking with him again
“No, I think we’re done here,” then took off with his bread
Every St. Swithin’s Day I go up to that old, sweet grassy hill
And I think about that truest love that we shared
I now know that I was such a fortunate man
All because of my sweet Emma who deeply cared.

Written in 2016, Revised in 2017