Same Old Thing

You ask me how I’m doing
Well, it’s been the same old thing
Just got back from Va-Ca in C.A.
Plannin’ another getaway in the Spring

My tennis has gotten rather sloppy
‘n marriage has been intense
I’ve recently taken up collectin’ pens
‘n tryin’ to find a good color for our fence

Same Old Thing
Same Old Thing
Same Old Car Keys
Same Old Wedding Ring
Man, it’s the same old thing

Upgraded the membership at the Country Club
I heard that’s the way to join the Poker League
Sometimes I go out slumming on a Saturday night
then on Sunday, fight a case of fatigue

I make a mean Bloody Mary and I can stock beer
Our guests call the champagne “shampoo”
My wife is working on the summer cabin
‘n perfectin’ a new recipe for Swiss Fondue

I’ve been hangin’ with the old boy network
‘n readin’ up on some Garry Trudeau
The Mrs. had my my pipe and shirts monogrammed
‘n our dog Muffy was recently named Best In Show

Same Old Thing
Same Old Thing
Same Old Car Keys
Same Old Wedding Ring
Man, it’s the same old thing

Last week, I was ridin’ the porcelain Honda
Must have been the crab cakes I ate last week
The Volvo’s been in the shop for at least a month
At my wife’s friend’s wedding, I’m gonna speak

I go bird watching every Wednesday afternoon
and have a good collection of store catalogs
I’m really proud of the pond we have out back
It’s filled with frogs, minnows, and polliwogs

Same Old Thing
Same Old Thing
Same Old Car Keys
Same Old Wedding Ring
Man, it’s the same old thing
What about you?
Good for you old chap!
Now if you’d please excuse me
I’ve gotta go take my daily nap

Now if you’d please excuse me
I’ve gotta go take my daily nap.

2003, Revised 2017.


Welcome to Being Married to Me

We’re standing on this altar
in front of our parents and God
My family’s here
they like good beer
as they’re fishing with a rod
I’m not that poetic-
My future is a mystery
Welcome to being married to me

I don’t have a fancy job
My GMC is in the shop
Have no fear
I’ve packed our gear
We’re gonna island hop
We set sail tomorrow
First stop- Waikiki
Welcome to being married to me

Your friends are acting funny
Your Momma wants me dead
Your sister says she likes me
but it hasn’t gone to my head
It’s a crazy day for a wedding
but you didn’t want to elope
Your Dad just whispered in my ear,
“Son, piss up a rope.”

So we’re standing on this altar
I’m happier than a dog in heat
It’s crystal clear
Our end isn’t near
And we’re in for a treat
Our new home awaits us-
The temperamental sea
Welcome to being married to me.


Back When We Began

I remember when she wrote me
and I remember when we met
It was at the golf course in Nipomo
How could I ever forget

I was late and she was early
It was an all-day affair
We went dutch treat at dinner
Mystery was in the air

We had an inkling of an idea
We just didn’t know the plan
Back in our courting days
Back when we began

If asked, she’d tell you different
She saw our future in her heart
For me it took much longer
to trust we would never part

I wondered if I deserved her
and how I’d afford a ring
But love takes care of itself
as it takes care of everything

Now we’re much older
We’ve been married for years
We’ve had our disagreements
and we’ve shed some tears
Now I think of how we’ll finish
with our own little clan
that started with her vision
back when we began.


Philophobia Blues

You and I have known each other now
For at least a couple of amazing years
We’ve gone out on many date nights
On my shoulder, you’ve cried many tears
We’ve had fights for it seems like nothing
Multiple times, you’ve walked out on me
Up til now you’ve been fascinating
You keep coming back after being free

You might have that thing about love
Where you’re too scared to totally fall
Looks like something from your past
Helped you build an impenetratable wall
I’ve looked it up, my darling dearest
Out of frustration, upset and concern
And found out there’s a phrase for it
And It’s high time for you to learn

It’s a fear of letting yourself be cared about
Sincerely by someone special to you
It’s a fear that it could all come crashing down
You’re too scared to consider it’s true
I know how that feels, We’ve all been there once
Feeling what’s real you’re gonna lose
So you struggle with ongoing disappointment
It’s called the Philophobia Blues

You told me about this one romance you were in
When you thought you were totally done
You stooped looking and dating other people
You said you thought you finally found the one
Then he told you he couldn’t handle it
You said he wanted time and some space
Then you snapped at him and told him to get out
You never again wanted to see his face

Well I may not have his features or personality
But I’ve noticed quite a few things about you n me
What’s so different about what we have
Is the person who’s not giving up on us is me
So here’s the idea I have for us both to do together
It’s time we get ourselves into couples therapy
Before one of us gets too heartbroken
instead of working it out, just demands to be free

I fear you’re not letting yourself be cared about
Sincerely by me, who’s not going anywhere
You fear that it could all come crashing down
But I know if you let me in, I’ll stay there
I know how that feels, We’ve all been there once
Honey, I was once in your shoes
With treatment I know you’ll be by my side
Without those Philophobia Blues

With treatment I know I’ll stay by your side
When you’ve said so long & goodbye
to those Philophobia Blues.

Say so long & goodbye
To those Philophobia Blues.


The Death of Me and You

I don’t want to get out of bed
All this sadness is in my head
I’m dehydrated and underfed
I’m mourning the death of me & you

The night I found you in the tub
After coming home from the pub
You sweetly asked for a backrub
I should have said, “Honey, I’d love to.”

There were things I should have done
To make your life easier, my dear
I deeply regret I got upset
When you wouldn’t fetch me a beer
I was too needy, I know that now
I should have honored my marriage vow
I realize I’ve been heartless ‘n lowbrow
‘cause you’re gone ‘n not coming back

I should have never blown my stack
Or all our savings at the racetrack
And crashed our brand-new Cadillac
‘cause I was too drunk to drive

The doctor said I’m lucky to be alive
but I don’t feel that way tonight
‘cause I keep thinkin’ of all the stinkin’
B.S. I put you through
I’m so sorry, my dear –
You did what you had to do
I’ll always and forever be
mourning the death of me & you.


Lyric Notes: Usually, what I will do is go through a list of songs I need to write. This is not one of them. It’s total satire, but you know, it kinda makes sense. Listening to both John Prine & Jimmy Buffett, not to mention going through another “Weird Al” Yankovic and Tom Lehrer phase, I feel like I should be letting loose a bit more. This is my attempt at doing so.  Enjoy!

The Thing That Feels Right

On that rocky road to romance,
it seems like that High School dance
The one on Homecoming night
When you’re looking around
and you just haven’t found
The thing that feels right

You think it might be there
You’re dressed up & have done your hair
and your smile is pearly white
You’ve heard of what it’s like
and wonder if it will strike
The thing that feels right

So you dance with the ones who’ll dance with you
and you hope that sparks will fly
You’ve seen all your friends find that one
They’re so in love with their girl or guy
And it seems like it’s taking too long
The clock’s ticking and the event will be done
But you don’t want to seem too desperate
Your heart’s wish is for a game-winning home run

Then out of the blue, there’s a chance
Someone special’s decided to advance
and you’re swept away by the love bug’s bite
The kisses are so sweet
Your heart skips more than a beat
You now know only wonder & delight
It may be a crazy fling
or end up to be lust in hindsight
But there’s no reason to feel uptight
When you’re embracing the thing that feels right.


Kitty Likes to Scratch

Kitty likes to scratch
Puppy likes to bark
Birdie likes to chirp
and bats like the dark

We went for a drive
Took a little break
Stopped for a meal
We both had steak

I had sweet tea
She had a Coke
I was asleep
Then I awoke

Kitty likes to scratch
Puppy likes to bark
Birdie likes to chirp
And bats like the dark

Out in the car
I found some change
But it was foreign
Thought that was strange

Asked her about it
She got upset
And then it rained
Our car got wet

Kitty likes to scratch
Puppy likes to bark
Birdie likes to chirp
And bats like the dark
And bats like the dark
And bats like the dark.