Halloween in Haddonfield

Parents go out and leave their kids at home With hot looking babysitters who mess around Their boyfriends arrive when the kids are asleep And they try not to make any big sounds Maybe they decided to watch a scary movie Maybe they’re drinkin’ beer n gettin” high They’re likely dry humpin’ in the family […]

Smarter Than You

If you listen closely to these words and the progressions being played You will question your intelligence and everything you’ve ever made And at night you’ll lie awake because you won’t fall asleep And you may want to get rid of the things you need to keep This song This song This song This song […]

Maybe It’s Just My Boner

When I was younger than I am now I’d get erections all the time In classrooms and bathrooms The feeling was very sublime So it’s weird now that I’m older ‘Cause my dick doesn’t go up much these days Even when I’m not attracted to the girl it decides to go against my heart and […]

Preppy Coastal Town

Whenever she looks over to him, her lips part And he’s thinkin’ bout his favorite go-kart Instead of payin’ attention to her come-hither look He’s hidin’ behind a NASCAR History book She wants him to talk to her ‘bout his muscle car And dreams together, they’ll go wide ‘n far But he’s pining for the […]

Normal Christmas

Do you remember when Christmas was Christmas with your brothers, sisters, Mom and Dad? When you exchanged good wishes and presents and the best family times ever were had? When nobody had special dietary needs and everybody wanted to be there? When there wasn’t a single argument? When we lived our lives without a care? […]

It May Have Been a Shithole (But It Was Home)

We lived on the other side of the tracks Where the hookers spent all night on their backs Where the hobos fell down through the cracks Where I figured out what I was gonna do Daddy, he worked out at the lumberyard and Momma had a job as a prison guard My siblings were mean […]