If You’re Looking For My Heart

I don’t know if you even care
though you’re sittin’ with me here
With me at this bowling alley bar
and you just ordered me a cold beer

I’m not used to forward women
But before we even start
It’s been thrown in the trash
If you’re looking for my heart

It’s been thrown in the trash
If you’re looking for my heart
And it’s likely gone to the dump
Smelling like a really bad fart
Some critter’s probably got to it
He’s crapped it out by today
So if you’re looking for my heart
You best give up and walk away

I’m not much of a man without it
I’m as empty as a man can be
All I do is eat, drink, piss ‘n shit
No woman would wanna be with me

My ex-wife took all my money
And I’m never gonna get it back
So if you’re looking for my heart
It’s crapped out from a critter’s crack

Cause
It’s been thrown in the trash
If you’re looking for my heart
And it’s likely gone to the dump
Smelling like a really bad fart
Some critter’s probably got to it
He’s crapped it out by today
So if you’re looking for my heart
You best give up and walk away

If you’re looking for my heart
Take my advice, just walk away

September 26, 2019

Suburban Cowboy Wannabe

V1
He’s done his wardrobe research
Wears flannel shirts, jeans and hat
He listens to 80’s country artists
At home it’s just him and his cat
Weekends are when he gets loose
Drives his Chevy out to the Roadhouse
But all the country girls know better
He’s desperate for a spouse
Just another big town mouse
To them, it’s plain to see
He’s a Suburban Cowboy Wannabe

V2
Problem is he’s readin’ old magazines
He’s wearin’ the least popular brands
He’s too polished, too put together
This is not somethin’ he understands
But the girls there at that Honky Tonk
Let him think he’s what they’re lookin’ for
They’ve taught him the dances
Even given him chances
But it’s clear they all agree
He’s just a Suburban Cowboy Wannabe

Bridge:
His boots are brand spankin’ new
There’s no mud on those tires
He’s too naive with new friends
He doesn’t know they’re cheats & liars
He’s got a job in a corner office
Within a Fortune 500 firm
He doesn’t fit in with them at all
Oh, when will that city boy learn?

V3
Rich dogs should not be huntin’ there
He’s not Daisy Mae’s or Sue Ellen’s kind
He’ll keep strikin’ out every Saturday
They’re not into the wealthy and refined
They could care less about his watch
How it’s worth more than that bar
His Mercedes back home
Or his apartment in Rome
Don’t impress them all and never will
Cause he’s bound to a life that’s not free
He’s just a Suburban Cowboy Wannabe

Tag:
To that crazy proud hillbilly crowd,
He’s just a Suburban Cowboy Wannabe

May 1, 2019

Halloween in Haddonfield

Parents go out and leave their kids at home
With hot looking babysitters who mess around
Their boyfriends arrive when the kids are asleep
And they try not to make any big sounds

Maybe they decided to watch a scary movie
Maybe they’re drinkin’ beer n gettin” high
They’re likely dry humpin’ in the family room
They don’t know about the mad bad guy

Who’s got the white Captain Kirk mask on
And a butcher knife in his bloody hand
He’s been stalking them the past few days
It’s like a horrified wonderland
You already know why the killer’s there
His twisted motive has been revealed
You’re in suspense ’cause you’re watchin’
People gettin’ killed on
Halloween in Haddonfield

Yeah they’re all gonna die
On Halloween in Haddonfield.

October 10, 2018

Smarter Than You

If you listen closely to these words
and the progressions being played
You will question your intelligence
and everything you’ve ever made

And at night you’ll lie awake
because you won’t fall asleep
And you may want to get rid of
the things you need to keep

This song
This song
This song
This song
This song is smarter than you

Why even try to outsmart these words
or detect the lesson being taught
Or go back in time to review
all the fights you’ve ever fought

And all the lies you believed
All the stories you’ve ever read
Won’t haunt you like this tune
You now can’t get outta your head

This song
This song
This song
This song
This song is smarter than you

Oh face the facts
and quietly relax
Don’t think about what you’ll do
but forget this song
This song
This song
This song
is smarter than you

But know it’s smarter
than me, too
Yeah, it’s smarter
than me, too.

August 19, 2018

Lyrics Notes: I am a big They Might Be Giants fan. I could hear John Linnell sing this one, for that voice was the one I heard as I wrote this one. The whole time the person is saying this song is smarter, but in the end, it’s smarter than everyone combined. It’s very narcissistic but it was fun to write.