She’s Looking For A Fat Boy

She’s looking for a fat boy
Doesn’t have to be so pretty
He just has to be functional
Preferably from the city

She’s looking for a fat boy
Who likes X-Box & 8 track tapes
He can have a scruffy goatee
And a closet full of capes

He doesn’t have to like sports
There could be a food stain on his shirt
As long as he has a heart of gold
And prefers tenderness to hurt

She’s looking for a fat boy
He might not have a head of hair
But he’s gotta love to cuddle
Like a loyal teddy bear

He doesn’t have to be a drinker
He doesn’t have to know how to swim
He can be a goofy dancer
And she’d still be loving him.

2017

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The First Time We Went Out

I remember that night well
Picked you up at your parents’ place
Your father opened the door
And saw the panic on my face
He invited me inside
And we went into the den
Where I saw pics of your family
And I wasn’t sure I’d see you again

The first time we went out
That was the first time went out

All I kept thinking about at that time
Was wanting to get outta there
You entered the room after a while
And I about fell out of my chair
Your parents wished us a good night
And we headed to the basketball game
Where our team got slaughtered
But our hearts were aflame

We held hands and we were laughing
As we ran in the rain to the car
You and I were both starving
We didn’t get stuff from the snack bar

The first time we went out
That was the first time we went out

So we headed to the local diner
Where we both got a burger and pop
And right as we were about to go
In walked an inquisitive cop
He recognized me from the description
The police had put out an APB
The officer said we weren’t in trouble
But he wanted to talk to me privately

The first time we went out
That was the first time we went out

I asked him what it was regarding
He said he had bad news for me
Said I had to come down to the station
It was involving stolen property
I took you home then away I went
Turned out it was mistaken identity
The first time we went out
And the only time, regrettably

The first time we went out
Was the only time we went out
The first time we went out
Was the only time we went out

2017

Muddin’ With Me

I know you’re a rich chick and everything
Your Dad, he owns a bunch of real estate
And your Mom, well she looked at me funny
When I said to her I wanna take you on a date
Not to some fancy high-class restaurant
Or some romantic comedy you wanna see
I wanna go do somethin’ different with you
How ’bout you come muddin’ with me

You seem like the kinda girl who’d like it
It’s fun slidin’ all around in my truck
I could take you out where I go fishin’
and huntin’ doves, quail n’ duck
I know there’s a rebel in you somewhere
C’mon baby, give it a shot
I really like you a whole lot
It’s the best time you’ll have for free
Girl, please come muddin’ with me
Girl, please come muddin’ with me

I know you really wanna go
I see that twinkle in your eye
Though you’re still with him
He’s not you’re kinda guy
He’s not your kind, girl
He’s a wannabe redneck
I promise I’ll be gentle
You’ve got my word we won’t wreck

Your boyfriend, he don’t understand
the wild child you have inside
I think the best thing for you
Is come with me for a ride
Wear somethin’ you can get dirty
We’ll be gone until nightfall
Come muddin’ with me, girl
I know you’ll have a ball

‘Cause you seem like the girl who’d like it
It’s fun slidin’ all around in my truck
I could take you out where I go fishin’
and huntin’ doves, quail and duck
I know there’s a rebel in you somewhere
C’mon babe, give me a shot
I really like you a whole lot
It’s the best time you’ll have for free
Girl, please come muddin’ with me
Girl, please come muddin’ with me
Girl, please come muddin’ with me
Girl, please come muddin’ with me.

2017

Your Freshman Year

You were an eager beaver during your freshman year
Ready for the good times, wrapped up in fear
It was a time of change, it was a time to explore
It was a time to open every metaphorical door
A door of experience, a door of new romance
A door of truth during your first dance
You had to study but you wanted to play
During your freshman year, you lived day after day

Bridge 1

With goals in your heart and large lust in your soul
A night with someone you liked and you lost all control
You were slightly derailed by this new love you found
So much so you couldn’t focus when they were around

Chorus 1

Stars were in his eyes, you longed to touch
That guy, that crush you wanted so much
During your freshman year
And oh, you look back on it now
Now that you’ve got a man of your own
And oh, the many mistakes you made
All the ones that made you feel so alone
The ones that show you how much you’ve grown
You see it in him when he doesn’t want to hear
What you went through during your freshman year
What you went through during your freshman year

Verse 2

You played football, baseball or ran in track
Thought your buddy was loyal to you behind your back
You caught him with that girl you pined for
It was there you had to slam that metaphorical door
That door called experience, that door of new romance
That door filled with truth during your first dance
You decided to study instead of going out to play
during your freshman year, you lived day after day

Bridge 2

With goals in your heart and spite in your soul
All because someone you liked lost their self-control
You were slightly derailed by this new boy she found
But then you would focus when you got off the ground

Chorus 2

Stars were in her eyes, you longed to touch
That girl, that crush you wanted so much
During your freshman year
And oh, you look back on it now
Now you’ve got a teen son of your own
And oh, you see the mistakes you made
All the ones that made you feel so alone
The ones showing you how much you’ve grown
You see it in him when he doesn’t want to hear
What you went through during your freshman year
What you went through during your freshman year

Back to Chorus 1 then end.

2017

All In

Put this in your pipe and smoke it
I’m all in, I’m fascinated by you
We see eye to eye on most everything
Baby, you’re a dream come true

I’ve been here
I’ve been there
I’ve even stayed home
So I know
enough to know
My road to love won’t end up in Rome
You’re under my skin
I play to win
So sweetheart
I’m all in

Take this and put it in your soul
I’m all in, I’m here for the taking
Let me know now if I’m too lowbrow
and if this isn’t gravy we’re making

I’ve seen
what I’ve seen
I’ve done
what I’ve done
My only regret my sugar is we’ve just begun
Through thick and thin
It’ll take discipline
and no more livin’ in sin
You’re my boo
and I’m all in
how about you?

I’m all in, my sweet boo –
How about you?

2017

It May Have Been a Shithole (But It Was Home)

We lived on the other side of the tracks
Where the hookers spent all night on their backs
Where the hobos fell down through the cracks
Where I figured out what I was gonna do

Daddy, he worked out at the lumberyard
and Momma had a job as a prison guard
My siblings were mean – they called me a retard
and my ass was often purple and blue

It may have been a shithole but it was home
My parents, they did the best they could
When I felt I needed an adventure
The nearby junkyard I would roam
Oh, it may have been a shithole but it was home

I’d hang out with kids who were older than me
We were all like one big messed up family
My parents were too poor to own a TV
I’d get used books from the library book sale

We’d go to the Salvation Army for our clothes
Why we went through that, God only knows
When Daddy wasn’t at work, he’d compose
about the different things he went through in jail

And it may have been a shithole but it was home
My parents, they did the best they could
When I felt like I needed an adventure
The nearby junkyard, I would roam
Oh, it may have been a shithole but it was home

One fateful day my Daddy’s fortune was reversed
No longer did we all feel that we were cursed
The song we all thought was his worst
was picked up and recorded by a famous man

The royalties alone paid for a brand new place
The money we made put a smile on Momma’s face
Daddy taught us it’s not how fast you run the race
You just gotta stick to your guns and your plan

Well it may have been a shithole but it was home
and I don’t go back there as often as I should
I’m now on my own crazy adventure
and my doctor said I have Stockholm Syndrome
It may have been a shithole but it was home

Oh, it may have been a shithole but it was home.

2017

Redneck Stuff

Fishin’ poles, rabbit holes
Crushin’ cans, homemade stoles
Shitty beer, livin’ rough
Hillbilly life, redneck stuff

Smokin’ roadkill, Cabin on a hill
Huntin’ quail with my friend Bill
Deaf right ear, hooked on snuff
Hillbilly life, redneck stuff

It’s what I live for
It’s what I like
Nothin’ can compare
to muddin’ on a motorbike
Or in a Ford 4X4
jacked up real high
Can’t get enough
of this hillbilly life
and all my redneck stuff

Old street signs, boxes of wines
Dirty hands, party lines
Rockin’ chair, I’ve got scruff
Hillbilly life, redneck stuff

It’s what I live for
It’s what I like
Nothin’ can compare
to muddin’ on a motorbike
Or fried up squirrel
with sweet tater pie
Can’t get enough
of this hillbilly life
and all my redneck stuff

Can’t get enough
of this hillbilly life
and all my redneck stuff.

2017